DivorceWise

The Kids Are Scared

Lisa — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 04:27:03 +0000

Remember: your kids are scared when they feel that there is something bad happening between their parents. Or, that their parents really don’t like or love each other. A fundamental need of a child is to feel taken care of. A fundamental desire is for children to feel that their parents love one another. It gives them a sense of security on a fundamental level. Reassure them by letting them know:

I am not going away.
I am not leaving you, I will never leave you, you are my child.
Parents don’t divorce kids, they can only divorce each other.
Even thought we are having a hard time understanding each other, we are your parents and we are working to figure things out.
We are seeing a counselor or therapist to help us.
Even if we are not living in the same house, we are still your parents and nothing will ever change this. We will be your parents forever.
We are going through a rough patch as a family. Life is full of challenges and changes. It is ok. We will get through this, you can trust me to take care of you through this. It is going to be all right. I will be here no matter what.
Show them with your actions that you do what you say, that they can depend on you, that you are there for them. Walk your talk…your integrity is very important and is what will give your kids that sense of trust and security.
If they ask you a question that you don’t know the answer to, you can simply say “I don’t know. I will have to think about that. And when I have an answer for you and figure it out, I will let you know.” And then, figure it out and let them know. Don’t forget to follow up. Do what you say you will do.

High Conflict Diversion Program

Lisa — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 14:47:24 +0000

Next week, October 3rd, I will be starting another High Conflict Diversion Class. This course has been so helpful to those who have participated. We just ended one last week (after 12 weeks of meetings) and there was definitely a sense of sadness that it was ending, as the connections people made and support they felt was really something. I think when you have a very difficult divorce, one of those divorces that feels out of the ordinary, where the conflict keeps going, you begin to feel very alone. You wonder, “why can’t I just have a normal divorce? What is wrong with me? Am I the problem? Am I the crazy one?” I highly recommend this course for people who can relate to these feelings. You need to understand what pieces are yours to own and how to shift your approach. There are components you have no control over, as well. And, how do you deal with this moving forward? There is much to let go of, to accept, to grieve. There are choices you can make and areas that you do have control and power over. Learning about this is very empowering.

DivorceWise moves to first floor…

Lisa — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 06:11:38 +0000

Hi Everyone,
I wanted to announce that my office has moved to the ground floor from the 2nd floor. The new office is bigger and will give us a little more space for groups. I’m looking forward to it! When you walk into the building and enter the main foyer, you will see a door on your right – this is suite #100. Come on in and head down the hall to the 3rd office. See you there –
Lisa

CONTEMPLATING SEPARATION AND/OR DIVORCE

Lisa — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 07:16:27 +0000

Powerful Help with Direction

Some of the things that you may be feeling and thinking about:

feeling stuck and trapped in your marriage
feeling that you have tried everything to communicate to your spouse
feeling spiritually dead and distraught about the future
thinking that “some space” might help you and your spouse
having an emotional and/or physical affair
fearful about the future and the loss of everything you know
worried about your kids being in a divorced family and the sadness for all
feeling hopeless that your spouse will ever hear you
feeling a power struggle with your spouse that involves sex or “hearing” eachother
one of you is sleeping in another room
you wish your spouse would move out
you are relived when your spouse is gone
will I have custody of my children
child support & alimony (maintenance)
coming up with a separation agreement
how much does a divorce cost
how long will a divorce take

How I Can Help:

Individual Sessions
To help you sort out your thoughts and feelings, assess the “hope” in your marriage, to give you information about the separation and divorce process, and to determine a course of action and coping strategies and tools.

Couple Sessions
To give you both information and options that are available to you, to discuss your children and agree on how to deal with them together, and to determine a course of action to help you through this time.

Support Group
Connect with others going through a similar things. Weekly groups are economical, informational, and thought-provoking.

Referrals
I can help determine whether talking to another professional may be helpful. These may include marriage therapist, attorney, mediator, or divorce financial planner. Referrals are thoughtful and strategic and I receive no financial gain in referring to any particular professional.

EXPERIENCING DIVORCE

Lisa — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 07:11:13 +0000

Compassionate Support During Critical Times :

Some of the things that you may be feeling and thinking about:

overwhelmed and overloaded
fearful about money and finances
mixed feelings of reflief and fear
devastated about the loss of “family” life
denial about the reality of what is happening financially, emotionally, etc.
confused about the divorce/legal process and options regarding attorneys vs. mediators vs. doing the divorce yourself
not understanding the status of my case
difficulties communicating/understanding my lawyer or mediator
concerned about my kids
not sure what to tell my children
working out the best visitation schedule for them
having difficulty communicating with my spouse
needing to deal with my emotions – anger, grief, depression, etc.
experiencing sleeping and eating problems
feeling embarrassed, ashamed, disconnected from my support system
concerns about not being able to settle “out of court”
Child/Family Investigation
keeping legal costs down
wanting a thorough and complete separation agreement
finding time to care for myself

How I Can Help:

Individual Sessions
To help you sort out your thoughts and feelings, give you information about the separation and divorce process, and determine a course of action. To help you strategize an approach to the divorce that is going to yeild the best results for you and your family.

Couple or Co-Parenting Sessions
To determine and negotiate a the best temporary arrangements possible, until the divorce is final. Somtimes it is very helpful for you and your spouse to get information and education together about the children and what may be best for them during this time, how to talk to them about all this, literally, what to say to them based on their ages, etc.

Support Group
Connect with others going through a similar things. Weekly groups are economical, informational, and thought-provoking. This group is for one spouse, not a divorcing couple.

Current Support Group Flyer Fall 2009

Referrals
There are a variety of resources in the community for parents who are divorcing and for children who are going through divorce. I can help you assess what may be the most effective strategy to get your children additional support and can refer you to professionals who truly specialize in this area. I can also help you sort out what types of services will help you and/or your spouse. These include lawyers, mediators, therapists, divorce financial planners, and realtors who specialize in working with those who are divorcing.

MOVING ON

Lisa — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 06:03:02 +0000

Accurate information about your options, along with clarity and awareness, are the keys to moving on to a more peaceful time:

Some of the things that you may be feeling and thinking about:

completing tasks in the separation agreement
feeling there are still loose ends
feeling unsatisfied with the separation agreement
having difficulty communicating with your ex
still dealing with all the emotions
interested in psychotherapy and/or family counseling with children
helping your children adjust to the divorce
feeling frustrated with the visitation schedule
feeling lonely and sad about the divorce, missing your spouse and your family life
having difficulty adjusting to single life and/or dating
feeling a need to take a closer look at your self and how to improve your life
concerned about your ex’s dating/partner/ remarriage and the affects on your children
financial concerns and career issues
feeling isolated and wanting to improve your social life
feeling stressed out and overwhelmed with single parenting

How I Can Help:

Individual Sessions
To help you sort out your thoughts and feelings, discuss issues, and determine solutions related to improving your relationship with your ex, improving your own life, improving your parenting, dating and single life, career changes.

Co-Parenting Sessions
To help you and your ex with improved parenting in order to help your children as much as possible (improving or adjusting visitation, understanding your child’s development in relationship to the divorce, improving your communication as parents, voicing concerns about the kids, discussing dating relationships/remarriage, being pro-active with your ex about all of these issues).

Support Group
Connect with others going through a similar things. Weekly groups are economical, informational, and thought-provoking.

Current Support Group Flyer

Referrals
To a therapist, attorney, mediator, divorce financial planner, or realtor who specializes in divorce.

Site Under Construction

Lisa — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 06:53:29 +0000

We are making some much needed renovations!

Over the next couple of months you will notice quite a few changes are happening around here. Please be patient as some elements of the site will be shifting around to create a more intuitive easily navigable site.

Feel free to leave comments using the area below and thanks for your support,

Lisa